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self stimulation

At an early age, children realise that touching or rubbing their genital area feels good. Some pick up the habit of doing this in public. Boys may touch their penises and girls may find different ways of rubbing themselves against things to generate pleasurable feelings.

 

Not harmful, but inappropriate in public

Self-stimulation in itself is not harmful in any way. In fact, all experts in the field of sexology agree that masturbation is not only normal, it is also healthy. In most cultures, on the other hand, a child engaging in self-stimulation in public, or in front of others is considered to be acting inappropriately. If a child, who is no longer a toddler, does this in front of others, it’s definitely time for them to learn that masturbation is ok in private but not in public. The Kids’Skills steps can help.

Our talented musicians recently delighted family, friends and teachers with a range of seasonal concerts. Our Secondary School recital saw students, including the Jazz Band and High School Singers, perform various Christmas numbers to a full theatre, including ‘Silent Night’, ‘Here comes Santa Claus’ and a very jazzy ‘Jingle Bells’. Wearing festive costumes for an extravaganza of performances, a second concert of ‘Holiday Pops’ saw musicians from across the school don reindeer antlers, elf hats and tinsel!

if children who are no longer toddlers continue to behave this way in public, it’s time to explain to them that this type of behaviour is inappropriate and that they should learn the skill of only doing it in private.

Ben Furman, Author

Not harmful, but inappropriate in public

Self-stimulation in itself is not harmful in any way. In fact, all experts in the field of sexology agree that masturbation is not only normal, it is also healthy. In most cultures, on the other hand, a child engaging in self-stimulation in public, or in front of others is considered to be acting inappropriately. If a child, who is no longer a toddler, does this in front of others, it’s definitely time for them to learn that masturbation is ok in private but not in public. The Kids’Skills steps can help.

Name the behaviour

To be able to talk about masturbation with your child, you’ll need a name for this behaviour. The best solution is to let them suggest a name, but if they can’t do this, feel free to use words such as “touching” or “rubbing”. It doesn’t actually matter what name you decide to use as long as the word you select is shared with your child.

Explain the idea of privacy

Explain to your child that it’s ok for them to masturbate (using the word you have agreed on together) but that they are now old enough to understand that people are not supposed to behave that way in public, only at home, and that even when we’re home, it’s only ok when we’re alone. Take the opportunity to talk to your child in general terms about things that it’s ok to do in public in your culture and things that people are expected to do in private. Small children, for example, often sit on their potty in front of others, but as they become bigger, learn to use the bathroom alone. Adults seldom leave the door open when they’re sitting on the toilet.

Learning the skill

Once your child understands the reason for learning to only masturbate in private, tell them how the Kids’Skills steps can help them learn this new skill. After they have named the skill, choose a power creature and plan how you will celebrate together when it has been successfully learned. An important step in the process is asking how they want to be reminded of their new skill if they happen to forget it. Agree with them about where it’s ok to engage in self-stimulation (such as in their bed under the covers), and if they find it difficult to resist the urge, also agree on times in the day that can be reserved for doing it.

Synopsis

Self-stimulation (masturbation) is quite normal and in no way harmful. On the other hand, if children who are no longer toddlers continue to behave this way in public, it’s time to explain to them that this type of behaviour is inappropriate and that they should learn the skill of only doing it in private.

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