Swearing and cursing
Swearing (cursing) here means a child using unacceptable words, expressions or language that adults in their culture consider either rude or offensive.
Adjusting language to your situation
If you have tried to stop your child swearing without success, consider using the Kids’Skills steps. Assume your child is swearing because he lacks a skill: he need to avoid doing it. The skill could be something such as “Speaking nicely”, “Expressing yourself in appropriate ways” or “Using situation-sensitive language”. All of us have to learn the skill of adjusting what we are saying to the environment we find ourselves in. While swearing may be acceptable, for example, when we’re with friends, it’s unacceptable in other situations such as in our workplace or at school. Try thinking of swearing as lacking the ability to differentiate between situations where using swearwords is ok and situations where you should choose to express yourself in a decent and acceptable manner.
The best way of preventing children from bullying each other is to help them develop skills that promote friendship, collaboration and caring for others. Two such skills – apologising and defending – are particularly relevant when bullying is occurring.
Substitute swearwords / cuss words
Learning not to swear requires that when children realise and understand they are in a situation where swearing is unacceptable, they replace the swearwords they would have used with acceptable expressions that are also known as ‘substitute cuss words’. To help your child learn this skill, make a list of all the swearwords they are using and then work together to find an alternative cuss word for each of the listed swearwords.
Both existing alternative cuss words and words you make up together can be used. For example, an alternative cuss word for “Hell” in English is “Heck”, and an alternative for “Oh My God” is “Gosh”. Every language has substitute cuss words. Use the internet to search for “alternative cuss words”, “nice swearwords” and/or “polite swearing”.
Having more fun
Choosing to employ this strategy – not stopping your child from swearing but helping them learn to replace swearwords with alternative cuss words – turns the swearing problem into a fascinating game. Inventing and then using alternative cuss words is great fun. Your role transforms from attempting to stop your child from speaking in one way to helping them express themselves in a new way. When they forget their new skill and a swearword pops out, there’s no need for criticism or punishment. Simply remind them of the substitute cuss word and then, after they’ve reformulated what was previously unacceptable by employing alternative cuss words, reward them with a smile, a thumbs-up or a high-five.
A bag for storing swearwords
I once met a teacher who proudly told me that cursing has never been a problem in the kindergarten she runs. When I asked how they deal with it, she said they have a leather purse hanging on the wall. Whenever a child swears, a teacher takes the purse down, opens its mouth by loosening the strings, and then asks the child who swore to spit the swearword into its proper place in the purse. According to her, this playful approach has worked far better than any of the more conventional approaches adults use when trying to control children’s swearing.
Possible skills
- the skill to replace what adults consider dirty words with alternative words that adults find more appropriate
- the ability to know what is the right way to speak in different situations
- the skill of saying things in a nice way
- the skill of expressing one’s anger or disappointment in an ok way
This article is owned by: Kids’Skills http://www.kidsskillsapp.com/
