The Child… The Forgotten Citizen: Why We Need to Rethink How We Raise Our Children

As parents, we dedicate ourselves to our children: we look for the best school, carefully select their food, choose the nicest clothes, and the most comfortable beds. But while we are immersed in these “care details,” don’t you sometimes feel that something essential is missing? We forget that the child is not just a being in need of material care; they are a human with an independent identity and deep spiritual rights.

Maria Montessori, in her book “The Secret of Childhood”, reminds us of something we often forget, and she describes the child with a title that might sting a little but is very true: “The Forgotten Citizen.”

In the Building Humans (Benaa Insan) initiative, we try to rediscover this citizen and understand how our perspective on them can change both our future and theirs.

1. The Child is Not “Property” of the Parents… They Are a “Citizen” with Rights

Montessori introduced a brilliant idea called the “social question of the child.” Just as society fought for workers’ rights and women’s rights for years, a child also has spiritual rights as a human being. Unfortunately, these rights are often trampled under the weight of adult desires. We think that providing shelter and material security is enough, but in reality, we often treat the child as “our property” instead of a free citizen building their own future.

Reflection: When we change this perspective, our daily interactions shift from simply giving orders to genuinely valuing the child’s message in life. We are not “owners”; we are entrusted with a soul that is building itself.

“Montessori starts with a strong truth: we care about the child’s health and food, but we forget the child as a human being with rights.”

2. The Hidden Conflict: Why Do We Always Fight with Our Children?

Have you ever asked yourself why we always lose our temper over “putting on shoes” or “finishing food”? The truth is there is a hidden conflict between us and our children caused by a difference in “rhythm.” Adults are always in a hurry, focused on results and speed, but a young child is building themselves. Their goal is not to reach somewhere; their goal is to learn as they go slowly.

Because adults are stronger, we impose our pace on them and force them to follow our rhythm, and this is what creates the conflict. Montessori’s solution is simple but challenging: we must stop this war, begin to observe the child with love and patience, and respect their natural pace in discovering the world.

Reflection: Patience here is not merely enduring; it is the highest form of respect for the child’s dignity and natural intelligence.

“The adult is fast, the child is slow. The adult wants results, the child wants to learn.”

3. Our Role is to “Serve,” Not “Control” (The Principle of Love and Service)

In the Building Humans initiative, we adopt the principle of “love for all and service to all.” Our role as parents is not to be “managers” controlling every action of the child, nor to impose rules that crush their spirit and suppress their personality. Our real role is to “serve” the child’s growth process.

Service here does not mean doing everything for the child (which would make them weak); it means preparing a safe and organized environment that helps them become independent. Our goal with every action we take is to communicate: “I am here to help you do this yourself.”

Reflection: Shifting from the role of “controller” to “facilitator” frees the child’s creative energy and allows them to build a strong and independent personality.

4. The “Spiritual Embryo”: Building the Mind from Nothing

Montessori introduces an amazing and remarkable concept called the “spiritual embryo.” Simply put, just as the physical embryo builds its organs in the womb, after birth, the child begins a new journey as a “spiritual embryo,” building their mind, personality, and psyche from nothing through interactions with the surrounding environment.

This is a hidden and magnificent ability: a small child builds language, habits, and complex mental skills from scratch. Recognizing the greatness within the child is the first real step toward raising a balanced human being.

Reflection: When we see the child as a “miracle” building itself, we stop treating them as clay to shape, and start treating them as a seed that needs care to grow into the tree that already exists within.

Conclusion: A Call to Change the Approach

Raising children is not a heavy burden or a routine task; it is a noble mission aimed at understanding the “forgotten citizen” living among us who deserves respect before care. All these ideas are just the beginning of a deeper journey into understanding the secrets of childhood.

If you want to go deeper into this journey and truly understand your child, I recommend reading Maria Montessori’s “The Secret of Childhood”, available at Dar Al-Kalima Publishing & Distribution, the primary reference for anyone exploring the foundations of true educational philosophy.

Question for every parent: Are we building our children’s future, or are we merely obstacles in the path of the person they are trying to become?